


No self-esteem

by katnor



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Katsuki Yuuri Is a Victor Nikiforov Fan, Katsuki Yuuri's Victor Nikiforov Posters, M/M, Oblivious Katsuki Yuuri, Phichit Chulanont Is a Good Friend, Phichit Chulanont is a Little Shit, Social Media Expert Phichit Chulanont, Thirsty Katsuki Yuuri, Thirsty Victor Nikiforov, Viktor wants to buy Yuuri everything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27701390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katnor/pseuds/katnor
Summary: Yuuri is just a dime-a-dozen figure skater, surely everyone knows that? Phichit refuses to let him belittle himself, but in his drunken haze he does something that maybe, just maybe, he shouldn't have.
Relationships: Phichit Chulanont & Katsuki Yuuri
Comments: 18
Kudos: 144





	1. Chapter 1

”I’m not!”

”Yuuri...”

”I’m really not! I’m just a – ”

”If you _dare_ say you’re just a dime-a-dozen figure skater one more time, I am going to release that video of you opening your package of Viktor Nikiforov merch! I’ll put it on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook, I’ll make it a TikTok video complete with music. How about music from some cheesy porn movie from the eighties? Lots of moaning and a pumping rhythm? And you, squealing and kissing the poster of shirtless Viktor?” 

”You wouldn’t!”

”Try me.” 

Phichit Chulanont stared down his roommate. Yuuri knew when he was beaten, and sighed in defeat. 

”I just don’t – ” 

”Shhh. You were doing so well just now Yuuri! Just don’t open your mouth and say something self-deprecating and we’ll be fine, and TikTok will never see that video. If, on the other hand, you insist on being mean to my best friend, I will have to take steps.” 

”I don’t know why people think you’re such a sweet guy. You’re evil incarnate. A true demonspawn.” Yuuri glared accusingly at his so-called friend. 

”Not true. Well, not entirely true. But if you insist on being oblivious, I think it’s my duty to educate you. And the fact is, you have quite a lot of people pining for you on campus, if you would just open your eyes and notice anything besides Viktor Nikiforov’s newest ad campaign or his latest free skate program.”

”I just happen to admire him very much. Do you think I’m showing stalker tendencies?” 

”Nah. Stalker tendencies would be if you checked all his Instagram pictures, trying to locate where they were all taken in order to find out his address, now that would be slightly creepy... Yuuri, are you blushing? You didn’t?!”

”No... I didn’t. But I thought about it...” 

”Well then. Stalker-ish, but not quite. Now off you go, or you’ll miss your ballet lesson!”

Yuuri shot up from his chair, grabbed his backpack and made a beeline for the exit of the coffee shop, waving goodbye to his friend. A few moments after he left, a couple came to join Phichit at his table, a woman in her early twenties and a young man who was about the same age. 

”Did you get through to him?” The dark-haired girl asking sent Phichit a hopeful look.

”Well... maybe a little. At least I think I have a way of stopping his self-deprecation. Outward. I can’t control his thoughts. 

”I really don’t get it. I’ve tried asking him out, but it’s like he didn’t understand me? I mean, he speaks English fluently, but sometimes I wonder.” The blonde young man shook his head in disbelief.

”Oh, he speaks English all right, but flirting is beyond him”, Phichit said. ”The only times he understands flirting is when he’s really drunk, and that happens, like, twice a year. And no, I’m not going to get him drunk so you can persuade him to go out with you. His anxiety always spikes after his drunk escapades. I’m not going to put him through that.”

The blonde man pouted. 

”I just wish he’d notice me. Or fuck me into the mattress, whichever happens first.”

”Brad. Brad, Brad, Brad. Why are you like that? You can’t corrupt my smol son in that way, I won’t let you!” Phichit glared at the other man disapprovingly. 

”First off: my name isn’t Brad, it’s Darryl. And second: Yuuri is not your son. He’s older than you.”

”Details, details. And I notice you didn’t deny the corrupting part.” Phichit shot the blonde a triumphant look. 

******

”Yuuri, I thought I told you not to say mean things about my bestie!”, Phichit whined and took a swig from the bottle he was holding, then put it down. 

” _I’m_ your bestie! And I can say whatever I want about myself” Yuuri stuck his tongue out at his roommate. 

”That’s what you think...” Phichit muttered and started tapping his phone screen furiously, turning his back on Yuuri, who never noticed what was happening. He just grabbed another beer from the fridge and chugged the contents, Bollywood dancing around the kitchen and waving the (now) empty beer bottle in the air. 

******

”PHICHIT CHULANONT!!! What did you do?!?” 

Phichit woke with a start, wondering whatever happened last night and who swapped his sweet roommate for Godzilla. Or was it the Hulk? He peered blearily at the bellowing creature at the foot of his bed and decided it must be neither, because it wasn’t big or green enough. Then it dawned on him.

”Yuuri, I can explain...”

”Yes, please do, and after you’re done explaining, I’m going to smother you with a pillow and plead temporary insanity, and no court in the world is going to convict me when they hear the story!” 

”Yuuri... my best friend in the whole wide world, my jewel, my star in the night, my...”

”Stop quoting cheesy Bollywood lines at me and explain why – WHY – I woke up this morning to a shit-ton of notifications and tags on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok?!”

”Uh...”

”I thought we agreed that video was never going to see the light of day ever again?”

Phichit bolted upright and glared at his friend.

”I _thought_ we agreed you were going to stop belittling yourself! But it sure didn’t sound like that last night. And you know I told you what I’d do if I caught you ridiculing yourself again!”

”Yes, I know, but I really didn’t think you’d do it! And now it’s all over every social media I’ve ever heard of... and people are making memes and joking about thirst!”

Phichit was starting to feel a little guilty at this point. Yuuri was really upset, and no matter how he looked at it, it was partly his fault. Ok, totally his fault. He grabbed his phone from the night stand and did a double take when he glanced at the screen.

”Holy shit Yuuri, you’ve gone viral!”

”I KNOW! That’s sort of the problem here!”

”Well, I mean...” Phichit was tapping away at his phone now, trying to analyse the damage. He froze all at once, his mouth forming an ’o’. 

”What? Tell me Phichit, I know all your faces. What is the unexpected thing that has you making a fish face?” 

”Uh... Viktor Nikiforov might just have liked the video and tagged you suggesting you send him some of your merch so he can reciprocate?”


	2. Unboxing Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Viktor Nikiforov gets a package in the mail and unboxes it on social media.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I realised this fic needed another chapter.

”I just think you should – ”

”Not gonna happen, Phichit. What on earth would Viktor do with a poster of a mediocre Japanese figure skater? And the dakimakura is out of the question, that’s seriously so creepy! Why would anyone want... no never mind, don’t answer that please.” Yuuri looked a little disturbed by whatever thought had just crossed his mind.

”But Yuuri...”

”No. Definitely not.”

Phichit sighed. He had been working on convincing Yuuri for almost an hour now, but his roommate was adamant. There would be no package sent to Viktor Nikiforov as far as he was concerned. 

”I just – ”

”No.”

”But I – ”

”NO. Nay. Never.”

”Ok, I get it... no merch for poor, lonely Viktor.”

”Stop trying to guilt-trip me into doing what you want. I am not sending Viktor a package and that’s final.”

*******

”So tell me once again Phichit, why exactly am I packing a whole box of stuff to send to Viktor Nikiforov, figure skating icon, five-time world champion, and Olympic gold medalist? Because I could _swear_ I said it wasn’t going to happen?”

”I’m just very persuasive... and I have a shitload of blackmail material that I can use if you try to out-stubborn me. And you know I will.”

Yuuri muttered something under his breath that sounded like ”demon-spawn”. Phichit pretended not to hear and held up a large cushion, almost as big as Phichit himself, and with Yuuri in a skating costume printed on it. Yuuri closed his eyes briefly as if in pain.

”Is that really necessary Phich? Shouldn’t the keyring, the poodle plushie, the posters and funko pop do the trick, without adding the dakimakura?” 

”Don’t forget the phone case! And no, it’s definitely going in there too. I want to see Viktor’s reaction when he sees it.”

Yuuri groaned but didn’t make any more objections. He watched his friend stuff the box full, then tape it shut and heft it in one hand, grimacing at the weight of it. 

”I can take it to the post office”, Yuuri offered.

”I’m sure you can, but I am not so sure I can trust you to actually send it, so thanks but no thanks, I’ll mail it myself.”

Yuuri felt a little insulted, but admitted privately that yes, given the opportunity he would simply let the package disappear somewhere on the way to the post office. Phichit knew him only too well. 

******

Yuuri was heading home from the rink for the day when his phone pinged with a notification. Then another, and another. He was almost home, so he didn’t bother digging his phone out of his pocket to check what was happening. By the time he kicked off his shoes inside the door of their apartment, there was a steady stream of pings coming from his coat pocket. Before he could grab his phone, however, Phichit emerged in the doorway to his room, eyes wide with excitement. 

”Viktor got the package! He just published an unboxing video!”

Yuuri felt a frisson of something run down his spine... anxiety, fear, excitement, or maybe all of them. He dug his phone out and threw Phichit a helpless look. The Thai boy seemed to understand as always:

”Wanna watch it together?” 

Yuuri nodded mutely and made himself comfortable on the couch in the livingroom. Phichit dropped down beside him and patted his shoulder gently.

”It’s all right Yuuri. It’ll be fine. He asked for merch after all.”

”Is... is that supposed to make me feel better about this? I’m not sure I can watch it! What if he hates it?”

”He’s not going to hate it! Believe me. Now let’s watch it!” Phichit tapped his phone screen and held the phone so they could both see.

The video started with an enthusiastic Viktor Nikiforov unlocking the door to his apartment, carefully balancing the package while wrestling the door open. In the background you could hear some muted screeching in Russian, and Yuri Plisetsky became visible. A beaming Mila Babicheva emerged behind the young skater, grabbing him and hoisting him into the air, which gave rise to more screeches. 

”Let me do the filming Vitya, so you can concentrate on unboxing!” The redhead grinned and put Plisetsky on his feet again, holding him at arms’ length while he yelled profanities. 

”Thanks Mila! Now remember Yura, we’ll do this for an international audience, so if you insist on cursing, you need to switch to English!” 

” _Хуй тебе_! And the same in English!” the younger man spat. 

Mila winced, but Viktor’s heart-shaped smile didn’t waver. He put the box down in the middle of the coffee table and went to get a pair of scissors. 

”Now then! Hello everyone and welcome to the unboxing of my requested package of very rare Yuuri Katsuki merchandise, we’re talking collectibles here! I am so excited to see what is in here, all I know is what my contact revealed, which was that Yuuri Katsuki himself had a hand in packing this box, and that there are some real goodies in it!” He cut the tape around the box carefully and then, with a squeal of joy, tore into the box. 

Yuuri glared at Phichit.

”His _contact_ wouldn’t happen to be someone I know now would it? _Yuuri Katsuki himself had a hand in packing this box_? With friends like you, who needs enemies?”

Phichit made a mock sad face.

”You know you love me anyway Katsuki.”

”God only knows why”, Yuuri muttered, then focused his attention on the screen, where Viktor had now managed to tear the box open without the contents spilling out all over the table. 

”Oh look! A Makkachin plushie! No, wait, that can’t be it... this is a miniature poodle. This has to be Yuuri Katsuki’s famous Vicchan! Such a lovely name, it’s Japanese I suppose, I wonder what it means?”

There was a sotto voce muttering from Mila that sounded like ”oblivious”. Viktor ignored her and went blissfully digging deeper into the box.

”And here is a keychain with a chibi Yuuri! So cute! And what’s this? Oh! An exact replica of Yuuri’s blue poodle phone case!” Viktor had to pause at this point and down a bottle of water. At least Yuuri thought it was water, but you never could be sure with the Russians. 

Viktor continued his unboxing, proudly displaying a funko pop Yuuri in a dark blue skating outfit, and a signed poster that he swore was going on his bedroom wall. Yuuri was blushing profusely at this point, and never even noticed Phichit sneaking out a tiny, hand-held camera to record his reactions. 

”Hey, what’s this soft, plushy thing at the... oh my **GOD**! It’s the really rare, almost unobtainable Yuuri Katsuki body pillow! A real dakimakura! So, if anyone wonders who the world champion takes to bed – here you have the answer!” Viktor held up the huge pillow, with a wide, happy smile at the camera. 

Yuuri let out a screech not unlike the one Yuri Plisetsky uttered earlier. It was a sound of sheer disbelief, but it was drowned out by Phichit’s jubilant shout.

”YES! Did you hear that Yuuri? Viktor Nikiforov is going to be sleeping with your body pillow! You are going to be in Viktor’s bed! Yuuri? Yuuri!”

There was no answer from his Japanese roommate. He had fainted.


	3. Thirst

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poor Yuuri never gets a rest. Viktor is very extra, and Yuuri and Phichit run out of floor space.

”...ri... Yuuri! Please wake up! I promise I won’t ever tease you about Viktor Nikiforov again!” 

”Whaaa...? Phichit? What happened? Why am I...?” Yuuri came to, lying on his back on the floor, with his feet on the couch and a frantic Phichit hovering over him. At the first signs of consciousness, the Thai boy’s face lit up in a relieved smile, tinged with a fair amount of guilt. Yuuri’s eyes narrowed.

”I will never forgive you for adding that pillow to the package! And to think you told Viktor I had a hand in packing the box! What is he going to think? Am I the subject of hundreds of memes again?” 

”First of all: did Viktor seem like he minded the dakimakura? No, he did not. He said he would sleep with it. Second: you _did_ help with the packing. Not very much, but you did. And third: there are quite a few memes, and they’re all rather flattering for you. There’s even a hashtag or two, **#thirstyviktor** and **#eroskatsuki**.” 

Yuuri groaned and buried his face in his hands. There were times when he wished his best friend wasn’t just so damn... _enthusiastic_. Not to mention social media savvy. 

” **#eroskatsuki**? Really Phichit? Was that the best you could come up with?”

”It wasn’t me who coined it!” At Yuuri’s level stare, Phichit amended: ”Ok, so maybe that one was mine. But it suits you!”

Yuuri shook his head. He still felt a little woozy and out of sorts, and couldn’t really figure out why he had fainted, like some damsel in a regency story, until he remembered he had been training hard all day and just might have forgotten to eat. He gave Phichit a pleading look.

”Can we just not talk about unboxing videos and Viktor Nikiforov for a moment, and consider ordering takeout?”

”Wow, who are you, and what did you do to my best friend? I never thought I’d see the day when you would rather have dinner than Viktor Nikiforov!” 

”It’s not like I was _having him_ , as you so delicately put it, we were just watching a video. Can we order dinner now? Please?”

”Of course. Chinese or Mexican?”

”I feel like I could do with a jalapeño popper or two right now. Can we get an awesome blossom as well? For some reason I want something hot and spicy.”

”Maybe we ought to do Russian takeout then? Ow, no fair kicking me! Ow, Yuuri, stop it, that hurts!”

”It doesn’t hurt as much as your lousy jokes! Go ahead and call now, I’m starving!”

Phichit got serious all of a sudden.

”Yuuri, please don’t tell me you forgot to eat again?”

”Uhh...”

”Yuuri. You cannot keep doing this to yourself. You’re a world-class athlete, you train really hard, but you _need_ to remember to eat too, or your body is going to give up on you one day. You remember the ice dancer Ciao-Ciao told us about, the girl who literally starved herself so her partner would have an easier time lifting her. I really don’t want you to turn into something like that.”

”I won’t, I swear I won’t. I just forgot to bring a lunchbox, and I was doing really well on my jumps for once, so I didn’t want to interrupt the flow by going out to buy lunch. And after a while I wasn’t really hungry anymore, so I forgot all about it.” The sincerity in Yuuri’s expression calmed his friend down, and he grabbed his phone and made the call to the restaurant.

”The food will be here in half an hour. What do you say we watch Viktor’s unboxing video again? No? Ow! Yuuri!” 

******

Viktor Nikiforov considered himself a man of the world. He was suave, charming, he dressed well, and he knew how to charm all kinds of people. He usually got a positive, even enthusiastic, response whenever he flirted with someone. Not that he did that very often nowadays. But Yuuri Katsuki was different. He wasn’t very active on social media, for one. If it hadn’t been for the Thai skater, Phichit Chulanont, Viktor would have despaired long ago. 

Well, there _was_ a certain amount of despair beginning to show now. Viktor had reached out through all the channels he could think of, tagging Yuuri if he could find an account of his, and tagging Chulanont if not. When the package arrived, he was sure he had finally broken through the walls around the lovely Japanese skater, but that was the last life sign he’d had. Two weeks after making his unboxing video, Viktor was getting... yes, all right, desperate was the correct word. The time had come for a war campaign. He was going to undertake a siege on Yuuri’s heart!

******

Yuuri stared helplessly at the chaos in the livingroom and hallway. 

”Stop laughing Phichit, this isn’t funny!!! Goddammit Phich, help me _move_ all this stuff so we at least have a way to move between the couch and the kitchen!”

Phichit, still laughing hysterically, grabbed one of the numerous packages and hefted it.

”This is heavy stuff Yuuri! Aren’t you going to open your gifts and see what your sugar daddy sent you?” 

”PHICHIT!” 

”Just a suggestion Yuuri – tell Viktor to send a few vases as well. I think he probably bought up a couple of Detroit’s finest flower shops!” Phichit put down the box he was holding and picked up another, smaller one and tore it open. 

”Stop that! We have to return all this stuff! It must be some kind of mistake!” Yuuri was almost in tears.

Phichit was holding one of the numerous bouquets of pink roses, big enough that he was barely visible behind it. He grinned and read from the attached card:

_”I am looking forward to meeting you soon Yuuri. Love, Viktor.”_

”Whaaaa...?”

The _ping_ from both of their phones simultaneously made both Yuuri and Phichit forget about the packages stacked all over their apartment. Phichit was a little faster, and just had enough of a warning to grab Yuuri when his eyes rolled up and his legs gave out. 

The notification showed a selfie with a smiling Viktor Nikiforov at an airport lounge, tagged with #nextstopdetroit #thirstyviktor #eroskatsuki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, so... the one-chapter fic turned into a three-chapter one? Sorrynotsorry.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a real weakness for fics where Viktor notices Yuuri on social media...


End file.
